What Does Cancer Feel Like

Well.. I’ve heard that question a lot lately.  The answer: Not Good 🙂

I first was diagnosed in 2011 and fought a little fight with Melanoma cancer in my back.  I had a couple of surgeries and some painful recovery, but after a few months they felt it was gone.  I remember times of driving down a road before I had the surgeries and out of no where I would think about my daughter and the day she would be married and me not being there to walk her down the aisle.  I thought about my son, rocking out in his first band and me not being there to cheer him on.. it was a roller coaster.  Oh I still believed then and I believe now that Jesus is my healer.  I also remember so many praying for me back then and being able to come to all my friends and family with the news that the doctors said.. IT’S GONE!!!  I was all clear!!!  I was able to experience the heart of Christ.  In Isaiah 53:5 we read that by His stripes we are healed.  I had to believe that He meant that.  That the price He paid, the pain He endured, the blood He sweat in prayer and shed on that cross (meant for me) was all for me.

I could have died.  I did not.

I slowly crept back into life.  If anyone knows me, you know I live at 100 MPH, it’s only in the past few years that I have learned that there is a cruise control button.  It’s called REST.  The Matt of a few years ago viewed rest as a waste of time.  It actually stressed me out MORE to have rest than not to have rest.  I was in danger of a life collision if I didn’t have balance in my life.

I have found that a simple, memorable rhythm is the most effective rhythm.  I remember a friend once said to me.. “I have no idea how you do you”.  She meant I did so much and was amazed that I got anything done.  Oh.. I still do a bunch. it’s just in my DNA.. but now I have something different… I understand rest.  Jesus said my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

If I’m carrying too much, I miss the point. Last I heard if I miss the point or “miss the mark” that is sin.. YIKES!!!!!!  I had to repent. Repent of wanting to do too much.  Repent of taking on too much.  It was like a cancer in itself and that feels horrible!!  Why would I want to take that on?

So.. fast forward a few years to now.  I’m living in this new rhythm.  I have changed my schedule, made some non-negotiable rest stops in my week and found the cruise control button.. then… one day at church.. I started coughing up blood.  That was different!

Well… I went to the doctor the next day and they took and x-ray and found a mass in my lung.. no problem.. the symptoms lead them to believe I had pneumonia.  They gave me some antibiotics and said come back later to see how I was doing.  Well after a week on that drug.. NO CHANGE.  I went to a different PA and he said “Matt, I don’t think this is pneumonia”.  Not the words you want to hear.  I was scheduled for a cat scan the next day.  This time they confirmed this mass.. not really sure what it was.  In steps Duke again.  They reviewed and didn’t like what they saw.  The whole time, I’m thinking I had some wild pneumonia thing going on.  After several more tests and putting my body through pure you know what for 2 weeks, I sat in a room with my wife and the doctor hesitantly said. this is Stage 4 cancer.  Stage WHAT?!  How in the world could this possibly be????  I just have been fighting through a struggling business (the business of my dreams I might add) and living through the pain of closing that dream down only to find I now have cancer…. AGAIN!!!???

Let’s just say I’m glad you all couldn’t tap into the video screen of my mind then.  It was definitely an R rated experience.  I was FURIOUS!!  I was confused.  I was desperate.  I was hurt.  I was sad.  I was depressed.  It all comes rolling in like a freight train.  We had just lost Robin’s mom to this horrible disease only a few months prior.  I HATED it for my wife.  What was she thinking and feeling??  All this in less than a year.. lose your mother, we lose our business and now your husband has stage 4 cancer.  This just SUCKS!!!

So much was going through my mind (and still is).. but back to that rest part.

I now had a new rhythm.  Wait a minute.  What is really going on?  I am a man called by God.  The CREATOR of the universe.  The one who said that we should pray for heaven’s will on earth.  There is no cancer in heaven.  But my mother-in-law.. who I loved dearly died!!  I don’t have the answers there folks.. trust me.. I will ask Him.

I remembered a scripture.. “As for me and my house.. we will serve the Lord”.  I read that Jesus said He paid a price, that He desires us to be well.  “Well Matt.. why do babies die?”  “Why do bad things happen to good people”?  Well…. We live in a horribly infected world.  Infected with a disease stronger than cancer.. it’s called sin.  We’re out of order and the only order I’ve ever found in my whole life has ever been Christ.  He did it.  He won.  He defeated death.  I MUST TRUST HIM!  He didn’t give me cancer, so if that’s the case.. the fight is ON!

So another scripture comes to me in 1 Thessalonians 5:24 “God will make this happen, for he who calls you is faithful”.  That is it!!!  #Godsgotthis

I must fight.  I must believe.  I must rest. If I’m not trusting, I’m not resting.

Oh.. there’s more to this story.. stay tuned and check back next time.

God bless you friends.. until then, remember.. God’s Got This!!!

-Matt

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50 Comments

  1. Barbara Capps

    I am right there with you my brother.. You have stood and prayed for things in my life and in my son’s lives.. I am definately here praying for you..I am with you on #Godsgotthis.. and God is good all the time, and all the time God is good… Satan is the father of lies, and we serve a Great Big God…..And by His stripes you ARE healed.. Love ya.. Barbara

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      Amen. I know I was busy at the store today, but it was good to see you. God bless!!! #Godsgotthis

      Reply
  2. Barbara Capps

    I am right there with you my brother.. You have stood and prayed for things in my life and in my son’s lives.. I am definately here praying for you..I am with you on #Godsgotthis.. and God is good all the time, and all the time God is good… Satan is the father of lies, and we serve a Great Big God…..And by His stripes you ARE healed.. Love ya.. Barbara

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      Amen. I know I was busy at the store today, but it was good to see you. God bless!!! #Godsgotthis

      Reply
  3. Cammie

    His Love never fails!

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      You know it!!! #Godsgotthis

      Reply
  4. Cammie

    His Love never fails!

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      You know it!!! #Godsgotthis

      Reply
  5. Jennifer Knight

    You are making your Father proud!

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      You are too!! #Godsgotthis

      Reply
  6. Jennifer Knight

    You are making your Father proud!

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      You are too!! #Godsgotthis

      Reply
  7. Sarah Kotlarek

    AMEN. AMEN. AMEN. Love this… it’s very real… love you, Robin, and the kids…

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      Love you!!!!! #Godsgotthis

      Reply
  8. Sarah Kotlarek

    AMEN. AMEN. AMEN. Love this… it’s very real… love you, Robin, and the kids…

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      Love you!!!!! #Godsgotthis

      Reply
  9. Jeff Coe

    I pray for you and your family every night. I love you man!

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      Love you bro!! Thank you so much!!! #Godsgotthis

      Reply
  10. Jeff Coe

    I pray for you and your family every night. I love you man!

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      Love you bro!! Thank you so much!!! #Godsgotthis

      Reply
  11. Charles Young III

    You are a Great Testimony that God can and will Heal you if you have the Faith and believe in him with all your heart and soul. You are a Awesome Man of God and Faith! There is no doubt in my mind that God is Healing you! The devil is a Liar! God’s Got This! I Love You Bro! Good News!

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      Love you bro!! So glad to have you on this team!!! #Godsgotthis

      Reply
  12. Charles Young III

    You are a Great Testimony that God can and will Heal you if you have the Faith and believe in him with all your heart and soul. You are a Awesome Man of God and Faith! There is no doubt in my mind that God is Healing you! The devil is a Liar! God’s Got This! I Love You Bro! Good News!

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      Love you bro!! So glad to have you on this team!!! #Godsgotthis

      Reply
  13. Carrie

    We all Love you so much, I pray to God everyday for you. I may sound a tad bit greedy but I have had you in my life for a little over a year & I have so much to thank you for. So… I am not ready for this cancer to do anything except GO AWAY!

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      Love you too sis!!! I am NOT going anywhere!! 🙂 #Godsgotthis

      Reply
  14. Carrie

    We all Love you so much, I pray to God everyday for you. I may sound a tad bit greedy but I have had you in my life for a little over a year & I have so much to thank you for. So… I am not ready for this cancer to do anything except GO AWAY!

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      Love you too sis!!! I am NOT going anywhere!! 🙂 #Godsgotthis

      Reply
  15. Kay Norton

    I am patiently waiting and watching you be healed again. I pray for the strength this family needs to get by everyday and the peace of mind knowing that GOD’s GOT THIS! Love in Christ

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      Thank you so much!! I can’t wait to share the good news when it’s gone!! #Godsgotthis

      Reply
  16. Kay Norton

    I am patiently waiting and watching you be healed again. I pray for the strength this family needs to get by everyday and the peace of mind knowing that GOD’s GOT THIS! Love in Christ

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      Thank you so much!! I can’t wait to share the good news when it’s gone!! #Godsgotthis

      Reply
  17. Crisie

    Wow. .I didn’t know about Robin’s mom. .. I love that you are fighting this thing and one of the weapons is you’re testimony! !! Amazing! Love you Bro! In the day off your trouble you are ministering to do many!

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      Love you!!!!!

      Reply
  18. Crisie

    Wow. .I didn’t know about Robin’s mom. .. I love that you are fighting this thing and one of the weapons is you’re testimony! !! Amazing! Love you Bro! In the day off your trouble you are ministering to do many!

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      Love you!!!!!

      Reply
  19. Earl Jones

    Matt, you are a great example of Christian leadership and I pray for you frequently. I believe that God will once again heal you and use you as a testimony of faith. I’m on your team!
    Earl

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      Thank you for the prayers brother!! God bless you!

      Reply
  20. Earl Jones

    Matt, you are a great example of Christian leadership and I pray for you frequently. I believe that God will once again heal you and use you as a testimony of faith. I’m on your team!
    Earl

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      Thank you for the prayers brother!! God bless you!

      Reply
  21. Allen Diffee

    Matt, you know there is an army of us that pray for you everyday. You also know that the list of those struck with cancer in our small part of the world is way too long, but none are forgotten. Despite the the struggles with illnesses, family issues, and battles with our own demons, the unifying grace, and power of God brings us all together. Taking the time to reflect on that power is difficult to do, but when each of us finds our own time to do so, brings that power into focus.thank you for sharing your struggle, and helping us focus on the only one true healer. May his grace, and power envelope this community for your healing, and ours as well. Peace be with you, and to all that seek his will.

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      This was awesome.. thank you so much!!! God bless you Allen!!

      Reply
  22. Allen Diffee

    Matt, you know there is an army of us that pray for you everyday. You also know that the list of those struck with cancer in our small part of the world is way too long, but none are forgotten. Despite the the struggles with illnesses, family issues, and battles with our own demons, the unifying grace, and power of God brings us all together. Taking the time to reflect on that power is difficult to do, but when each of us finds our own time to do so, brings that power into focus.thank you for sharing your struggle, and helping us focus on the only one true healer. May his grace, and power envelope this community for your healing, and ours as well. Peace be with you, and to all that seek his will.

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      This was awesome.. thank you so much!!! God bless you Allen!!

      Reply
  23. Deb Frazier

    Matt, we are all pulling for you. …. your journal entries are your healing process. .. and our prayers will be with you every step of the way…

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      Thanks Deb!

      Reply
  24. Deb Frazier

    Matt, we are all pulling for you. …. your journal entries are your healing process. .. and our prayers will be with you every step of the way…

    Reply
    • Matt Crump

      Thanks Deb!

      Reply
  25. Geri

    Evidently…..it appears that part of God’s plan is for you to put this journey of yours into black and white since you have a gift to put what so many have felt into words that go directly to the soul….!!!!!

    PRAYERS YOUR WAY MIGHTY WARRIOR

    Reply
  26. Geri

    Evidently…..it appears that part of God’s plan is for you to put this journey of yours into black and white since you have a gift to put what so many have felt into words that go directly to the soul….!!!!!

    PRAYERS YOUR WAY MIGHTY WARRIOR

    Reply

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